spiritual self
a tribute to suzie: a beautiful passing
By Shirley Ostlund as told to Jamie Jacobs
This story is about my cousin, Suzie, who was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2004. Our mothers were sisters, and we had a close relationship. Suzie was a giving person – of her time, her thoughts, her advice, even her money. She was mother to four children, Robin, Sandy, Jason and Ashley – whom she loved deeply. She looked forward to her youngest daughter’s graduation from high school in June 2008 and her husband’s retirement in five years. She loved camping and Las Vegas, where she married her husband, Joe.
Never did she allow herself to believe her cancer was terminal. Although she knew she was sick, she had faith she would be cured. So she went about her life for years, caring and giving to her family and others.
In March 2007, I acted on an overwhelming feeling to quit my job, a career I had for more than 30 years with a prestigious title, rewarding work and an attractive paycheck. With the support of my husband and family, I followed my heart and gave notice.
Once retired, I began the weekly ritual of having lunch with Suzie and accompanying her to four-hour chemotherapy treatments. She was funny but somewhat shy with new people, a difference between us. While I’d talk to everyone in the treatment room, Suzie would laugh that I knew more people than she did – although she had been going there for almost four years!
Last year Suzie was not eating properly and showed physical signs of worsening, evident by a yellowish cast to her eyes, skin and scalp. On the weekend of May 24, 2008, Suzie, her husband and grandson visited our camp site up north. I shared my concerns, but she insisted she was fine and, of course, we all believed her. Denial is contagious.
Five days later, her doctor confirmed our fears, informing Suzie and Joe that, “Your time is short,” and told her to get her affairs in order “quickly.” Her daughter’s graduation was a few days away, and her doctor did not expect her to live; he had made a call to the high school to discuss alternatives for her to see her daughter receive her diploma. Until then, Suzie had not given up her dreams – or her hope to live. She had been driving and going about her daily activities so this news was a shock to her, and to everyone.
Her physical condition deteriorated quickly. On Friday, May 30, Hospice Alliance delivered a bed. The next day, Suzie needed the bed and a nurse. It is truly amazing how the mind and body are connected. Her quality of life took a drastic downward turn almost overnight upon hearing the words, “your time is short.” Someone once said, “Once the ears hear your voice say the words out loud, the body believes it”. Acceptance had replaced denial.
With dignity and patience, Suzie sorted her personal belongings with her children. There was much to do and say, and time was running out.
Once the doctor confirmed the gravity of her condition, she was never alone. Thursday, June 5, was Suzie’s 53rd birthday, and we celebrated with her. Everyone attended who wanted to see her. It was very ethereal, dream like, with people weaving in and out of her room and house, talking, hugging, crying and reminiscing. I played the role of caregiver when the family was overcome with grief and needed a break, her confidante as she shared with me her thoughts and personal dreams– some she was unable to share with her family. I listened to her wishes for her family and the funeral.
In those last days of acceptance, a most amazing and miraculous event occurred. Her husband, children, brothers, sister, step-daughters, mother and I were not the only ones who were there. Joining us were numerous loved ones who had passed – among them, my mother who had died in March 2005 and her father, who had died a decade prior. We noticed their presence beginning Friday, May 30th, as soon as they were needed. They provided comfort, peace and love, prepared Suzie and her family for her journey, and departed when she did, taking her to the next place. Although we could not see these spirits directly, Suzie could. We took pictures with digital cameras; in them hundreds of small and large, translucent, dense, shining, round light orbs appeared around us.
Suzie needed to know her family was ready for her to leave them. Once assured, she drifted off peacefully on Friday, June 6, 2008. It was a comfort to witness that loved ones are with you during this transition, a truly beautiful and peaceful experience.
Suzie had a wonderful life, was loved by many, and will be deeply missed. I feel blessed to have had this wonderful year with her. We all will have this journey eventually, and I know that Suzie will be among those spirits floating, bright and shiny, when it’s my time.
Although I didn’t know at the time, leaving my job made it possible to spend that year with my cousin, someone I loved. Listen closely to what your heart tells you – an amazing journey may await you. I was fortunate to have a front row seat to her glorious send-off, her beautiful passing.
 Jamie Jacobs is publisher of The Guide to Health,
Wellness & Creative Living. She may be reached at
Jamie@theguide2wellness.com or
call (262) 945-1263
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